- need to belong
o
bond
o
positive interactions
- ostracism
o
exclude, ignore
o
used to regulate social behavior
o
consequences
§ depression, anxiety
§ self-defeating behavior,
aggression
What
Leads to Friendship/Attraction?
- 1. proximity
o
geographical nearness
o
interaction
§ functional distance
· cross paths
§ why?
· availability
o
anticipation of interaction
§ anticipation boosts liking
· expect pleasant, compatible
person
o
“anticipatory liking”
§ adaptive
· form new relationship
o
mere exposure
§ familiarity breeds fondness
· nonsense words
· name letter effect
o
letters of name, language
· mirror image vs. picture
· true, even when not aware
§ adaptive
· predisposes us to
attractions
§ advertisers, politicians
- 2. physical attractiveness
o
looks matter
o
attractiveness and dating
§ females
· predictor of dates
· dating preferences
§ males
· more value on looks
§ Hatfield study
· looks mattered most
o
matching phenomenon
§ intelligence, attractiveness
§ marriage vs. dating
§ compensating qualities
· males = wealth, status
· females = youth, looks
o
physical-attractiveness stereotype
§ toward children
· Clifford and Hatfield
o
intelligent, successful vs. less able, socially incompetent
§ beautiful and desirable
traits
§ stereotype
· what is beautiful is good
· children’s books
· alter looks
o
others perceptions change
o
temporarily disturbing
· truth to stereotype?
o
yes
o
self-fulfilling prophecy
§ negatives
- 3. similarity vs.
complementarity
o
similarity
§ similarity = happiness
§ likeness produces liking
· attitudes, behavior
§ dissimilarity breeds dislike
· attitudes
· influences racial attitudes
o
do opposites attract?
§ complementarity
· complete what is missing in
another
o
personality traits
o
depressed people
§ similarity prevails
- 4. liking those who like us
o
liking is mutual
o
sensitive to criticism
§ bad is stronger than good
o
attribution
§ flattery
§ ingratiation
· gain favor through flattery
o
self-esteem and attraction
§ Hatfield research
· low self-esteem looked for
approval
· rebound relationships
§ effects relationships
- 5. relationship rewards
o
reward theory of attraction
§ rewards = liking
§ direct rewards
§ associate with rewards
- Sternberg’s triangular
theory of love
o
passion
o
intimacy
o
commitment
- passionate love
o
intense longing for union with another
o
roller coaster
o
“in love”
o
variations in love
§ males
· first in, last out
· playful, physical
§ females
· pragmatic
· emotionally involved
· friendship, concern
- companionate love
o
2 years
o
4 years
o
deep, affectionate attachment
o
love vs. arranged marriages
o
survival power
§ focus on children
- equity
o
outcomes proportional to contributions
o
long-term equity
§ not “tit for tat”
o
satisfaction
§ inequity = distress,
depression
- self-disclosure
o
opening up to another
o
when?
§ disclosure reciprocity
· disclosures match
o
creates passion
o
effects
§ nurtures love
o
women
§ “openers”
§ more disclosure