Recent research indicates that there are six main styles of loving. The following material combines the work of three sociologists - John Man Lee, Tom Lasswell, and Marcia Lasswell, with the research of psychologist Martin Rosenman, and explores the implications of these styles of loving. The six basic lovestyles are: Friendship, Giving, Possessive, Practical, GamePlaying, and Erotic.

You can determine your own concept of love by taking the fifty-item test below. Scoring the test shows you your position on each of the six lovestyles. After you take the test, read the description for each style of loving, bearing in mind that a person can score high in more than one lovestyle.

In responding to the items below, when it is appropriate think of your most significant peer

love relationships. If you cannot decide which has been the most significant, think of your

most recent significant love relationship. If you wish you may think of your ideal love

relationship whether you have actually experienced it or not.

Friendship Love

Sharing, mutual understanding, respect, compassion, and concern characterize friendship lovers. As good friends, they feel comfortable with each other and assume that their relationship will be permanent. They enjoy the security, the naturalness, the comfortableness of their love.

Friendship love usually develops gradually. Sexual intimacy often comes late in the relationship, emerging from the already existing verbal intimacy. And many friendship lovers do not realize they are in love until they have been for some time.

This lovestyle shows less preoccupation with the beloved than do the other lovestyles. Mostly absent are intense emotions, either painful or ecstatic. Taking a less romantic attitude, the intimates may forget or minimize the importance of birthdays, anniversaries, and other significant occasions.

Stability, rather than impulsiveness, permeates the relationship the comfort of the home environment, the power of patience and loyalty, the endurance of brother-sister type love. Even if these lovers break up or move on, they try to maintain contact, and they usually have good friendships with their former intimates. This lovestyle is supportive and undemanding, allowing each partner time to pursue hobbies, platonic friendships, and professional interests. With the passage of time, shared and discussed activities enhance mutual understanding and the friendship grows.

Pitfalls. Some observers would find the predictability, security stability, and quiet home life of this type of love to be lacking in excitement. Compared to the possessive, game-playing, and erotic types of love, friendship love is uneventfiil.

As the name implies, giving lovers are giving and forgiving.

Placing the happiness and best interests of their intimates ahead of their own, they are patient, understanding, and supportive. They have a sense of duty and obligation not only to the beloved but also to other people and to society in general. They are dependable and will come through in a crisis. Giving lovers are compassionate, altruistic, committed, loyal, and patient.

Giving lovers gradually develop rather than fall into, love. They seek an ideal love relationship rather than an ideal type of person. Giving lovers try to perceive and accept the needs of the intimate and derive more pleasure from giving than from receiving. They have the ability to allow the partner to do what he/she needs to do and will go so far as to tolerate the partner's participation in activities that are incompatible with their own values. The giving lover will even consider giving up the intimate if that will be to the intimate's benefit, even though there will be personal pain felt as a result of the loss. The giving lover does not want to stand in the intimate's way and understands the old saying that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Pitfalls. Too much giving of any kind can become irritating rather than special. A relationship is likely to become boring if one partner excessively puts the needs and wants of the other ahead of his/her own. This is especially true in the sexual area, where at least some self-interest is needed. If one partner is so concerned with giving that she/he becomes a spectator rather than a true participant, sex can lose its excitement.

Possessive Love

Possessive lovers view jealousy as an integral part of being in love, and make statements such as "I am jealous because I love you so much" or "If you loved me, you would be more jealous." Obsessed with love, they require attention and affection and togetherness.

The possessive lover requires much time with his intimate and cannot tolerate times apart. Even brief separations elicit frequent phone calls.

Preoccupied with thoughts of the intimate, the possessive lover showers him/her with attention. Operating on the assumption that true love is not easy, he is upset over little slights, is elated by dramatic moments of coming together, and has a need to create problems when none exist. The possessive lover feels that this important love must be c9nstantly tested, and emotional agitation is a small price to pay when experiencing deep love.

Pitfalls. Although many people like to possess an intimate completely, or feel security in being possessed, the jealousy, clinging, and forced togetherness of possessive love inevitably create problems. A possessive lover will eventually become burdensome to a more self-sufficient partner.

Practical lovers plan their lives, relying more on logical thoughts than on feelings. They realistically evaluate their own assets, appraise their "market value," and try to obtain the best possible deal in a partner. The practical lover, when involved with the right person, will be dependable and loving and will be committed to the mutual solution of any problems that might arise.

In a sense, this is shopping-list love; the person decides what particular assets he or she wants and then attempts to find a suitable partner. Practical lovers choose a partner for their planned lifestyle, commit themselves to finding a commonsense, practical solution to everyday problems, and accept a less idealistic view of love with fewer unrealistic expectations. Not surprisingly, they usually have stable relationships.

A practical lover will not select a mate who deviates too far from the ideal pattern.

Pitfalls. Problems will occur if one of the partners can no longer meet the needs of the other, or if one partner decides to pursue different life objectives which are unacceptable to the other. Practical lovers will at first attempt to find a rational solution to the incompatibility and will often consider professional help. If they cannot come up with an acceptable solution, they may plan a separation or a divorce based upon practical considerations - such as when the partner completes college or when a certain goal is reached or when the children grow older.

Game-playing lovers try to minimize dependency and commitment. The game, when properly played, controls involvement and prevents the participants from being hurt. Partners best suited for this lovestyle are undemanding and self-sufficient.

By having two or more partners at the same time, the game-playing lover can lessen commitment, increase excitement, and have someone in reserve so that he or she can quickly move on if problems arise. Variety and good times are the goal, and as much emphasis is placed on playing the game as on winning the prize.

Placing emphasis on quantity, game-players are good at meeting people and are not too selective in their choice of partners. The philosophy is that if you're not with the one you love, then love the one you're with. Love is a game with much fun while it lasts. Game-players thrive on excitement and challenge.

Pitfalls. Although game-playing lovers try to avoid involvement and commitment, one partner may lose the feeling of detachment and fall into the well. Becoming overly involved is likely to result in problems. The game is no longer fun, and unless both participants are willing to modify the rules, the game is abruptly terminated. A particularly awkward, though not infrequent, situation occurs when one partner is a possessive lover.

Game-p layers, at times, feel guilty about their love style. Many of them view game-playing as a fun stage to pass through, rather than as a permanent lifestyle.

Erotic lovers search for their preconceived physical ideal. They emphasize quality rather than quantity, believe in the possibility of love at first sight, and become excited and energized when they finally find love. The closer the partner comes to the ideal - body build, face hair, height, skin, fragrance, voice, intellect, personality the more the enchantment.

Sex and deep personal sharing usually come early because once the potential ideal person appears, the erotic lover wants to plunge into the relationship.

Commitment at first is intense, with a desire to discuss experiences ranging from day-to—day activities to past lovers to childhood memories. Erotic lovers enter into a monogamous relationship, experiment with sexual techniques, and search for new ways to please each other. Erotic love, like a fire on which most of the available logs have been piled, burns at first with great intensity - but like the fire, the intensity is destined to diminish.

Pitfalls. Erotic love, with its intensity of emotions, has many peaks and valleys. The powerful attraction of the first several weeks provides the exhilaration of being on a high mountain, but coming down is inevitable. Successful erotic lovers appreciate what they have and are willing to settle for less than the highest peak. Other erotic lovers, unable to sustain the initial excitement and unwilling to tolerate lower levels of passion, move on and often enter into a series of intense monogamous relationships.

In general, intimates with the same style of loving are compatible. An exception might be possessive lovers who, propelled by jealousy and restrained by holding on too tightly, have a roller-coaster type of relationship. The most stable and enduring relationships occur between friendship lovers, between giving lovers, and between practical lovers, in the above order. Game-players get along best with other game-players, but the emphasis is on fun together while it lasts, rather than on making future plans. Erotics, despite the ecstasy of the first few months, will fare best if they accept the inevitable lessening of the romance and if they supplement their erotic style with an additional lovestyle.

Intimates with different lovestyles can also form compatible combinations. The possibilities are listed below:

• Friendship - with Giving or Practical
• Giving - with all types except Game-Playing
• Possessive - with Giving, and under the right circumstances with Practical or Erotic, or to a lesser extent with Friendship
• Practical - with Giving or Friendship and, under the right circumstances, with all the other types
• ·Game-Playing - best with Game-Playing, but under the right circumstances, with Practical
• ·Erotic - under the right circumstances with Friendship, Giving, Practical, or Possessive, if that person meets erotic ideals

When analyzing compatibilities, remember that a person's pattern in all six of the lovestyles has great importance. To look only at the highest score would be oversimplifying the complicated way in which a person loves.

Score only “True” answers.