Vacation Offer
Christine L. Case

 

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  Dear Bacteria,
Enjoy a phagocyte- and antibiotic-free vacation at THE RUMEN INN. Snap out of your lag phase. The staph of our inn welcome you to a relaxing and fun-filled vacation. We guarantee your endospores a good rest. We can accommodate thousands and satisfy the most fastidious of tastes.

Transportation to the inn

By chemotaxi

Accommodations

At special REDOX rates. You’ll like the atmosphere here. Incubation chambers with flexible climate controls. Single cell isolation quarters available but most of our guests prefer to colonize with relatives or symbionts. We are the only inn which is proud of its bedbugs.

What to wear

Informal—wear your genes.

Food and drink

Cocktails in the New Brewer Jar Lounge. Order a flask of your favorite brew. You will be seated on one of our stools.

Dining

Our experienced maitre d’, P. stuarti, has been plating for years. Let him help you select one or more delicious substrates for your enzyme enjoyment.

Room service

Order one of our specialties, served on an attractive platelet.

Beauty shop

On the premises. Flagella shampooed and set. For a new self, have your DNA transformed. Try our luciferase facial—you’ll leave the shop with a glow on.

Recreational facilities

Swimming pool with a slide. Wear your own flagella. No chlorine in the water. On warm days, have a wild ride in our refrigerated merry-go-round. Hit a few protoplasts with our calibrated loops on the new courts.

Entertainment Nightly

Discussion groups (guaranteed to cause a ferment) will be formed on such topics as

  • Finding the perfect host
  • Should sexual conjugation with wild types be permitted before cloning?
  • How to avoid taxon changes by ASM committees

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